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(404):
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
(845):
forwarning you..... im fuking hammrd sooooo csn yu drve tody durin wrk.... i will no be ood in 13 hrs. loooove you!!!!!
(718):
I just hit a roach with a book about five times before it actually died...and I think I blew my shoulder out doing it. Resilient fuckers.
(708):
He uses pillows to masturbate.
(509):
Never ask the window girl at jack in the box if she's such a bitch because she can't find someone to jack her box.
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(917):
well maybe if he didnt ignore me and fight with me i would have been having sex with my boyfriend instead of someone else
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(917)
(917):
I've got double d's that are calling you're name ;) (1-917): Well put a shirt over them, the game is on
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(917)
(917):
Dude that chameleonn in the poster keeps starin at me. But wit just one eye. Am i not hot enough for even a bugs full attention!!??
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(917)
(917):
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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(917)
(917):
I wanna be blonde. I likes being blonde, besides always dye back I can ... Yoda I am, apparently.
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(917)
(917):
for some reason girls from staten island still leave that jersy stink on you
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(917)
(917):
how is your neighborhood ghetto and gay at the same time?
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(917)
(917):
yea i know a girl who dates an irish guy,shes calls him tienie wienie,and has the pics to bak the name up lol
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(917)
(917):
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
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(917)
(917):
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
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(917)
(917):
I think you freaked out the cab driver. You were having one of your episodes where you started crying because we remembered to bring you back home.
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(917)
(917):
we went to buy cookies after the party and while walking back, you offered the cookies to random strangers and made about 3 new friends.
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(917)
(917):
If we can't find anything to do tonight, the last thusrday before finals could we just ride around the bus until we see a group of chill college students and just follow them to a party?
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(917)
(917):
I think we're over. (781)okay (917)But I'm not gonna stop thinking about giving him myself for xmas. I'm gonna put a bow on my head and tell him to unwrap me
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