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(720):
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
(732):
U slapped me in the face last night cause I wouldn't let u hump me lol it's all good tho it was funny
(512):
I was banging a chick and she yelled out dont stop. I looked her in the eyes and prematurely ejaculated everywhere. I dont let bitches tell me what to do.
(904):
He said " I like your nails they match the bong"
(252):
Last night I received this from my guy friend that took a woman home from the bar: "There are certain places that you expect a woman's nipples to be, and hers were not in any of those places." MDT
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(907):
(907 )All the girls always like her. No girls ever like me! Lol cuz I look straight. (406) No. She def wont. I don't think you understand how good looking you are, and how not good looking she is.
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(907)
(907):
Boner
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(907)
(907):
Dude I'm in Iowa... And I'm from Alaska of course I'll get laid. Just the word Alaska makes girls cloths fall of here.
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(907)
(907):
I walked in wearing your coat, you looked at me and said "Dude, I thought you were me"
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(907)
(907):
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
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(907)
(907):
Dear almost lover, your broke me you took me, hook me like a fossh fix me,....tell me you swallow regret. Good luck, chew it swallow it by ur bed side look at brown head blonde your all about it.
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(907)
(907):
This just in. I had stripper hair in my fly zipper
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(907)
(907):
If he wanted to follow Jesus, he could get on twitter.
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(907)
(907):
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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27
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(0)
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(907)
(907):
Hi
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(907)
(907):
While I was wrapped around the toilet, praying to the porcelain god.. I could hear them fucking. (1-907): What's so bad about that? (907): She moaned like a barking chihuahua.
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(907)
(907):
"god this glass chicken is such a burden... haha get it... Bird-en"
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(907)
(907):
k* we need to invent something amazing to make money d* somthing with booze k* what d* i like beer k* what are you talking about d* booze is good :)
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(907)
(907):
Pop quiz. What's 5'6, looks like chunk from the goonies and has the IQ of a gerbil with fetal alcohol syndrome (602): what the fuck did he get arrested for this time
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