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(480):
I need to join a 12-step program for people who get drunk and hook up with fat, ugly chicks.
(509):
I wanted to kiss you romanticly but I had to poop..
(353):
(sent) OMFG some randomer poured a drink on my chest and motorboated me last nite! (recvd) ... that was me, how much did you drink?!
(410):
She said we could have sex if i called her "Snookie" and i agreed.
(269):
Dude. Strip poker with a magician. Awesome as hell. (630): ??? (269): He had all the girls at the table almost naked, guys almost fully clothed.
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(860):
SENT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?! It sounds like sex...please be a little quieter..thanks. Signed, The 2 girls above you whom do not need to hear that nor get a mental picture that scars us for life..we love you guys but not that much.. RECIEVED: I'm singing nursary rymes* and your brother laughig not haveing sex SENT: Oh..that's weird...
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(860)
(860):
sent: no. setting ur best friend up with the guy who date raped u makes u a fucking psycho bitch what is ur problem ? reply: r u kidding they've been together for like a year now. clearly i was right to set them up. theyre made for eachother sent: ur fucken disgusting dont talk to me
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(860)
(860):
fuck pants dude. don't need em
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(860)
(860):
dude the only thing i learned last night was that taco bell is a fucking five star resturant when you're wasted and my tits are a universal currency
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(860)
(860):
lmfao he actually sucked my dick. wait till i tell him he's a fag too XD
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(860)
(860):
(recieved) I'm scared dude. I don't remember last night and my ass really hurts. (sent) Wait... Allie? Why are you using Brian's cell? (recieved) No man, this is Brian
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(860)
(860):
If I have to tell you to bring a bag of doritos one more time I'm gonna beat the shit out of you!
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(860)
(860):
(sent) Chris lied when he told me you only had 3 shots didn't he? (recieved) Why do you say that? (sent) You fought a fucking hobo over a half-empty bag of chips on the street after we just ate at mcdonalds! I didn't know you were that wasted. (recieved) Ur just jealous cuz I have a story to tell
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(860)
(860):
Recieved: Im drunk. And maybez, just maybe, i will run from the cops tonight. Sent: If you cant out run them i'll be dissapointed. Recieved: Oh im not worried. Ima speed demon
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(860)
(860):
She is so drunk when my puppy jumped up on her she started histarically crying saying he is gonna eat me and I had to lock the puppy in his cage
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(860)
(860):
(Sent) You told me you broke up with your girlfriend! (Rcvd) You told me you were a virgin (Sent) ...Were both liers (Rcvd) maybe thats why we have such great sex
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(860)
(860):
Received-LOVE ME sent - COME HERE AND I WILL GRAB YOU CAUSE YOUR SEXY AND TELL YOU HEYY Received - hahah have you been drinkin sent -How dare you. I admit I get high I admit I drink sometimes more than I should however I am simply a dedicated drinker who likes to push the limits. And yes i've had a drink as in one but I am not completely inebriated nor will I be through out the night. So please find a way to get your slightly not whiter than me ass here...that is all :) Received - god damnn i love you
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(860)
(860):
Hey man I wasn't that drunk last night (1860): Yes you were. You climbed into the fireplace and started shouting diagon alley
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(39)
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(860)
(860):
Can you do me a favor? Can you count our first kiss as the one on Adam's swingset and not when I was shitfaced drunk and whoring myself for cigarettes?
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