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(951):
So I just got my pap...while the doc was two fingers deep he asked if anyone has ever told me my vagina leans to the left...Did you ever notice my vagina leans to left?? RCVD: My dick leans to the right. Marry me??
(401):
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
(310):
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
(518):
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
(902):
(sent) You showed your tits to her 12 year-old brother, then sat him down and told him to find a good woman, and not cheat on her!
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(813):
Me and Jennifer had a lot of fun last night, here's the deal tho, we aren't going to keep sharing you, it's too weird. We both have fun hanging out w/u, but u can only pick 1 of us to hook up with from now on & the other will just hangout & that's it, no worries we won't be offended. We both think it's pretty funny & a weird situation. Lol
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(813):
Next time i'm high and buy iced animal crackers, make sure i get the ones with sprinkles.
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(813)
(813):
813: Ok sorry for the early text, have too tell you bout last night. So I went home with the bouncer guy from :08 but I did not sleep with him. I went to give him a bj and when I pulled out his dick he said ,"ain't ever seen a dick that big have you?" In my head I said bahaha its only half the size of the dick I fuck regularly. But I was a good girl and was like yeah its real big. Just want to let you know you have spoiled me with your huge cock . 352: Haha! 813: Sex tonight?
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(813)
(813):
I was eating her out and she grabbed my head and said hold on I'm bout to fart. She did, then we went on with our business.
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(813)
(813):
"Dude you should see the size of his package, his ex is an idiot." "she's an idiot, your a genius"
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(813)
(813):
fuck im sloppy drunk
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(813)
(813):
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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(813)
(813):
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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(813)
(813):
I was like baby baby baby oooooooooooo all over her face.... RE: that Bieber got you head again
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(813)
(813):
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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(813)
(813):
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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(813)
(813):
Let's just say she was so drunk she didn't care when it slipped in the wrong hole. WIN.(received) she's a keeper, as long as she still doesn't care in the morning.
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(813)
(813):
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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(813)
(813):
I clicked on the dancing kitty and she called my back to bed, is this my free prize?
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