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(586):
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
(575):
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
(417):
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
(615):
Still drunk I went to the doctor today for my annual and he asked me whats my balanced diet and i said food and pussy.
(661):
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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(804):
I'm looking for women that will send nude photos through email my email is loweryc06@gmail.com
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(804)
(804):
Hiiiiiiiiiii I'm ion BaRret's bed oh my goood Except for he can'T get harD aAek... ShIT I am drunk oh my god aNd he wants To hooK up agaiN
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(804)
(804):
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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(804)
(804):
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
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(804)
(804):
i almost had sex with him, i should at least know his favorite color.
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(804)
(804):
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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(804)
(804):
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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(804)
(804):
Dude, if my arms were gummy bears, i'd eat them. Fucking delicious.
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(804)
(804):
I've decided I'll eat eggs foreverrrrrr
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(804)
(804):
We missed you this weekend scissor youre the complete piece to the four some
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(804)
(804):
He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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(804)
(804):
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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(804)
(804):
Come to bdubs they have chicken !
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(804)
(804):
I love my vagina..he compared our sex to trying to park a tank in a tiny one car garage.
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