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(317):
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
(303):
I have a new drinking game for tonight! Everytime Kristen stewart makes a stupid face during Eclipse, we take a swig from my flask.... We may run out of alcohol... And we might need to find a sober ride home.
(314):
From my girlfriend,I had the best dream of cutting off your balls and putting blood on my face like tribal marks
(503):
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
(904):
I would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
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(740):
My 22 year old sister needs some dick picks boys, don't tell her where you got her number or she'll know I did it for sure. Guys text her some dick pics please. Verizon is free 740-624-8012
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(740)
(740):
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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(740)
(740):
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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(740)
(740):
For reals though....I believe my uteris is trying to kill me
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(740)
(740):
He goes" did you just say I have giant balls?" And laughed...so I laughed...but good god his balls are enormous!
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(740)
(740):
I feel like I should write his penis a sonnet after last night.... it's the least I could do.
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(740)
(740):
I smell like sex, booze, cigarettes, and weed. My body fees like a used sex toy, and there's some weird shit in my hair... (1-740): .... Do it again tonight?? (740): You know it ;)
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(740)
(740):
Irish fest was awesome. Im still soaking wet, my ears hurt, and I left with less clothes than I came with. And I'm pretty sure I saw eminem at McDonalds at 2:30 am
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(740)
(740):
no.. im ouside burning my sheets bc the dumb bitch pissed all over the bed last night. i woke up coverd in piss! thats how my morning was asshole!
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(740)
(740):
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" category?
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(740)
(740):
Rec: i think i hav like a super sense for big dicks!!! every1 ive fucked has been at least 7 inches......... sent: dont complain!!!!!!
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(740)
(740):
Hows things in FL baby? (1-740): Awesome. But we need to talk (740): Did you meet someone? You didnt have sex with him did you??? (1-740): Nvm, sounds like you're all caught up
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(740)
(740):
She was on her period...but we still did....dude, my bed looks like the back of Kennedy's limo
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(740)
(740):
No. I walked out after u agreed to be his coke mule
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(740)
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