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(917):
Bars should really give discounts for bringing your own shot glass
(201):
it's better to be diabetic and awesome than just diabetic
(309):
How's your night? (Sent): were under nicks garage. zombie apocalypse! (rec'd): marijuana? (sent): everclear as fuck, my man. everclear as fuck.
(269):
I threw up all over him and he still asked me for my number. Can you say biggest confidence boost ever?
(919):
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
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(734):
Male looking for pics swaps with fem add me 295BB56A guys only add if ur gonna send pics to swap :)
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(734):
We all stood the window watching them talk. Clothes started flying so we went black ops and stood around the truck while he pile drove his cock into her! Then Tim climes in the back to give him the thumbs up and a beer through the window
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(734):
"so how did your date go?" "umm put it this way...he asked me if he was on MTV's Disaster Date"
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(734):
(734): ya and she's a stupid ugly bitch who thinks she's cooler than a fuck cat (1-734): A fuck cat? (734): a fucking cat sorry (1-734): lol it's fine. And why are cats so much cooler than Rachel? (734): cuz google says so and ps I'm putting a snow leopard in her fridge (1-734): there is no way you're sober right now.
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(734)
(734):
when i came back with a condom he looked at it, shook his head, threw it on the ground and pulled a whole strip of magnum condoms out of his bag. I WIN. keeping the wrapper as a trophy.
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(734)
(734):
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas (810): I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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(734):
You gotta know it's a good new year's when the first thing I say in the morning is where are my pants?...
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(734)
(734):
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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(734)
(734):
I just realized how bad lotion next to the toilet looks when your mom walks in after you
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(734)
(734):
my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does.
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(734):
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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(734)
(734):
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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(734)
(734):
so I'm walking around wamart kinda baked.. but I just heard lil Jon being paged over the intercom!!
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(734)
(734):
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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