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(303):
I was wondering why the cops were making such a big deal then I realized I was naked
(989):
Confusious say: "big gay dinosaur called mega-sore-ass!!!"
(gabz827):
Last night, I will go to the library to make out with u if u insist, but if we don't leave within 15 min im goin to sleep. MDTxt.
(301):
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
(401):
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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(727):
useing my pregnancy test box to break up weed on..too broke for a tray but apparently not enough for a child..whats happening to me?
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(727)
(727):
RSS well is well ox quibbles invasive issue unethical
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(727)
(727):
damn im tired of bitches naggin' about on fb #nobodycaresbrooooo (R) dude wtf are you talking about #randommuch i personally think its whatever #yafeelme (R) ugh its 2 in the morning #stfu
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(727)
(727):
...? My bed smells like weed
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(727)
(727):
Looking so bad ... Feeling so good .
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(727)
(727):
Snt> Skank Pocket. Rcvd> Hooker breath Snt> Dragon slayer sluteous! Rcvd> Haha damn straight, sluteous! I have slayed the Dragon slut. Snt> Well I forbid yee to reside in thine winded but hot room. Shall we meet with Lady Stella and gossip of tales of slutiest of the sluteous over the finest GB in the 7 seas? Rcvd> Ahahaa!! Yes we shall meet once I cross the 7 seas filled with the blood of your men an lady Stella shall be mine!!! We shall split the Lady in half!! Snt> OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!
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(727)
(727):
me: So last night was fun... Rec'd: Why do you say that? and yea it was! me: Cause this morning I woke up naked on a couch in some dude's house with his roommate sitting next to me playing COD. Rec'd: that's not that bad. Me: Yeah...but I couldn't find my dress...so I drove to burger king then home barefoot and wearing just an ohio state blanket. lol
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(727)
(727):
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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(727)
(727):
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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(727)
(727):
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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(727)
(727):
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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(727)
(727):
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
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(727)
(727):
Can you make a godzilla noise? Because I feel like chasing asian's and smashing buildings.
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(727)
(727):
(727): baby guess what? i just cummed... oh hey mom.
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