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(630):
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
(705):
dont make fun of me! next time, i wont choke! i just have to remember not to swallow before i blow. (705-1)HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (705) im talking about the bong! not THAT!
(303):
(got this at 2:57am) ya know that song where they sung "i can ride a bike wif no handlebars" truns out i can NOT, i repdat can NOT ride a bike with no handlebars!
(818):
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
(425):
I just put a scoop of ice cream in the deep fryer cuz I wanted some deep fried ice cream to go with my cheese sticks, chicken nuggets, and burritos. But it just melted. :(
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(727):
useing my pregnancy test box to break up weed on..too broke for a tray but apparently not enough for a child..whats happening to me?
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(727):
RSS well is well ox quibbles invasive issue unethical
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(727):
damn im tired of bitches naggin' about on fb #nobodycaresbrooooo (R) dude wtf are you talking about #randommuch i personally think its whatever #yafeelme (R) ugh its 2 in the morning #stfu
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(727)
(727):
...? My bed smells like weed
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(727)
(727):
Looking so bad ... Feeling so good .
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(727)
(727):
Snt> Skank Pocket. Rcvd> Hooker breath Snt> Dragon slayer sluteous! Rcvd> Haha damn straight, sluteous! I have slayed the Dragon slut. Snt> Well I forbid yee to reside in thine winded but hot room. Shall we meet with Lady Stella and gossip of tales of slutiest of the sluteous over the finest GB in the 7 seas? Rcvd> Ahahaa!! Yes we shall meet once I cross the 7 seas filled with the blood of your men an lady Stella shall be mine!!! We shall split the Lady in half!! Snt> OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!
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(727)
(727):
me: So last night was fun... Rec'd: Why do you say that? and yea it was! me: Cause this morning I woke up naked on a couch in some dude's house with his roommate sitting next to me playing COD. Rec'd: that's not that bad. Me: Yeah...but I couldn't find my dress...so I drove to burger king then home barefoot and wearing just an ohio state blanket. lol
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(727)
(727):
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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(727):
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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(727)
(727):
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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(727)
(727):
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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(727)
(727):
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
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(727):
Can you make a godzilla noise? Because I feel like chasing asian's and smashing buildings.
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(727):
(727): baby guess what? i just cummed... oh hey mom.
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