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(234):
while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning."
(813):
There was just a great your mom joke but I can't say it with the group of people I'm with. (813) That's odd because your mom is in the group of people I'm with.
(801):
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
(603):
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
(702):
Dude, saw some chick coming out of target that said "I finish first"...I walked up to her and said if she would like to finish a second time. (1-702): Lol, what happened? (702): She slapped the living shit out of me and told me to fuck off. (1-702): Ouch..ballsy my friend, ballsy (702): Apparently, she thought the same thing, she gave me her number...we're hookin up tomorrow
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(678):
hey girls, im 15 years old and very horny, add me! 225bffa7 !!!!!
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(678)
(678):
678: tell him i'm gay and that i love the cock. 850: who? what? 678: bad timing dude. 850: dont think there is a good timing for saying you're loving the cock
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(678):
I'm the owner of the 678-780-0657 and i appreciate you all not sending pics at least you all have some dignity :-D
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(678):
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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(678):
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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(678)
(678):
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
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(678):
(s) So an hour after we walked in, we had the entire bar singing the JG Wentworth opera song. Then we got the bartender to give us each a free shot as a thank-you for not starting a fight this time.
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(678):
It doesn't matter how much you spent on them. They aren't really your pants until you've a) masturbated in them b) farted in them and c) found money or weed in the pockets.
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(678):
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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(678)
(678):
(rec) so what are your biggest dreams in life? (sent) I dream of a world where you can google directions to the nearest dealer XD
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(678)
(678):
678: We had sex. 770: When? 678: MLK day and Superbowl Sunday. 770: I can see you like celebrating American holidays nicely. 678: I like to look at it as living the American dream.
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(678):
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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(678)
(678):
im on a couch in a house
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(678)
(678):
Bro. Where the fuck are the wonderballs?
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