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(443):
i guess you werent just kidding about your period...
(406):
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
(419):
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
(225):
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
(512):
tryin to figure out which works faster... a shot of 5 hour energy... or a shot of vodka... will keep takin each till one wins.... this may be a long night
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(610):
Lol!!! Well, to say but this ruhtard If samms' swiftsmakeds ho! Lil!
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(0)
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(610)
(610):
ME: dude listen. . . condoms are for pussies. just know when to pull out (26 minutes later) BRAD: i tried to take your advice. Is your license still suspended cause im laying in blood right now. i see a dustpan but no brush and there is an army of stuffed animals surrounding me. ME: you shoudve known when to pull out (2 minutes later) ME: yes my license is still suspended
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(610)
(610):
Sent: Tom night I fuck ur mouth then slide my dick into ur dripping wet pussy! Rcvd: ur on!
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14
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(1)
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(610)
(610):
woke up naked covered in dave and buster tickets apparently i hit the jackpot . I lifted up all the tickets to a six pack of abs underneath double jackpot.
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(610)
(610):
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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(1)
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(610)
(610):
I dobt kneo ik prettu much drunk and gotte ve in ay 4am
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(610)
(610):
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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35
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(1)
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(610)
(610):
Im at this rave and theres this midget lesbian trying to climb me like shes a keebler elf and im the tree
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(610)
(610):
(610) God just came to me and told me I need to stop thinking with my vagina and start thinking with my heart instead. (717) Did you hit your bong before "god" came over? (610) How did you know? Did he tell you??? (717) I want your dealers number RIGHT NOW!
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(610)
(610):
you started to crying and said "this remix is just too much". Everyone stopped and didn't know what to do
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(610)
(610):
God is pussy blocking me!! fuck it Im gonna sell my sole to get laid cause ill be damned if i miss out on another pierced dick .
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(610)
(610):
so last night we played music while we were having sex and as soon as we finished "i just had sex" starts playing, its almost like he knew how long he was going to last and then timed it out perfectly
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(610)
(610):
rec: I won't be living there. I wanna learn some things first so i can show you that im right about a lot. I think i may be one of the most important people in this country if not the world. thats where i feel unworthy. sent: what are you on?
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(610)
(610):
(101) "stoned watching forest gump. U?" (103) "Same watching half baked" (101) "haha just watched that a couple hours ago"
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(610)
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