(602): I need to fuck or something tonight. (1-602): That is an awesome text to receive from a chick

Great Night (17) Bad Night (0) Comment (1) More texts from (602)

(602): And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone

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(602): People ask me 'omg, you get drunk alone?'. I say no...I have the nations largest network with me at all times!

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(602): If I'm not puking up PBR by the end of the night, then I will have failed!

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(602): I found out that my father proposed to my mother while they were both drinking and competitively playing Pac-Man. This explains a lot of things.

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(602): I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for

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(602): All I gotta say is you were SOOO ridiculously fucked up that I had to drag you outta the pantry while you were sobbing and when I asked what was wrong all you said in between sobs was the mircowave was broken.

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(602): Sent; HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT MY MEETING WITH THE DOLPHIN KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(602): (sent) hey bro dont ever let me drink four loko again long story short i think there is more blood in my puke right now than i have left in my body(rec) lol i tried to warn you(sent) yeah not good times at all

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(602): You got fingered by a man in a penguin suit...with the garage door open for all of the neighborhood to see. WIN. (1-602): Happy Halloween.

Great Night (127) Bad Night (15) Comment (5) More texts from (602)

(602): I just heard a grown man say "thingamajigger". I wonder how often he gets laid.

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(602): I hate playing life somehow i always end up with 3 sets of triplettes and there arent enough slots so i have to stack my kids on top of each other.... Its like my vagina is a clown car.

Great Night (12) Bad Night (0) Comment (1) More texts from (602)

(602): "i just dropped three naked ladies" "im hiding from the cops upstairs in the dark. Joes in the neighbors yard and says they r shinging lights around the house" "delete that last text"

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(602): This is my first time driving here sober. I might stop before & grab some drinks so I can remember where to go.

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Remember The Pics From Last Night?

Best Friends :)
Awesomeness!