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(847):
Just bought a box of girl scout cookies at union station so i can have some pictures to beat off to on the train home
(573):
God shed the light on me! After a year of being cheated on, I finally got even, i had sex in my ex boyfriends bed, it wasn't with him; it was with one of his best friends.
(815):
You left me a five minute message of you reading Green Eggs and Ham and then proceeded to explain to me that the moral of the story was not to talk to ugly people.
(225):
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
(516):
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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(561):
Had to dodge the psycho rapist men. The only logical thing we could think of was to jump out of the frat's second story window...let me just say, that was NOT logical.
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(561)
(561):
best party ever (305): why i dont remember nothing? (561): you let the whole party watch you blow him. and then you got naked and rode him screaming you love his cock. (305): i thought that was a dream
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(561)
(561):
Thss is gon stay tween uss.! Buy i thot id tex yu incse o forgett.. Cop stop me n say excise me n i yelld straner danger then trie callin the cops on them.. My hubby too me tto te bak fridge n we had jeloshors to keep mee quitt hahahahahab
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(561)
(561):
Him: Lolol damn!!!!!! Me: lol yeah I laughed too Him: I showed my friends, they were like oh $hit lol Me: haha what friends? Lmao!
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(561)
(561):
got high all day and met some kids who challenged me too a scat battle..
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(561)
(561):
rec:dude just saw that hot teacher from middle school! sent:get it girl Rec: I just hope he doesn't remember when I cried in his class halfway through. Sent: yea thatd be embarassing..
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(561)
(561):
S:"Hell yesss. Wanna come make me fooood? :)" r: "only if I can do it half naked ;)" s: "uhm, I'm pretty sure that's a double win for me, so fuck yes you can" r: ":) then I'll be over there asappp."
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(561)
(561):
OMG im so drunk right now that i might suck dick ew ..... :/
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(561)
(561):
Lmfao! I Knew It! My sister DOES think I'm a lesbian!!
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(561)
(561):
We decided to watch 2 girls 1 cup, eel soup, and cake farter in one sitting. If you don't know.....look it up.
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(561)
(561):
Moonfest
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(561)
(561):
His gf is a grenade. No, fuck that she's a weapon of boner destruction
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(561)
(561):
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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(561)
(561):
your idea of romance is waving your penis at me.
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(561)
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