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(305):
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
(816):
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
(414):
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
(636):
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
(513):
I tried to pay for the hotel room at the front desk...apparently we were in the dorm...
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(520):
Girl A: Where are you? We are going to pick you up. Is there a shop or anything close to you? Girl b: There is a cat here! Girl a: hahahah Like thats going to help me find you!
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(520)
(520):
I know this is going to sound bad, but I really just want to see your tits
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16
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(520)
(520):
My friend I am clearly not drunkn enough to do this paper justice (-_-)
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7
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(520)
(520):
Morgan was shirtless with the fringe vest on drinking beer out of a steer horn... He talked the first aid guy into giving him band-aids for his nipple chaffe.
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(520)
(520):
(from female friend) Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I wanted to bite her snatch she smelled of vanilla.
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(520)
(520):
Sent: Dude, what happend to you last night?! Where are you? Received: Got laid next door! Sent: No way! You did the MILF?! Proud of you man! Received: No, next door as in your sister room ;) Sent: Fuck you.
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(520)
(520):
I bought absolute vodka ith cupons =D thats how i knew it was gonna be a good night! Fuckin Light weght guys all the guys except 2 have thrown up wtf is that shit =P
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(520)
(520):
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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159
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6
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(520)
(520):
Sent: oh cool what movie? Received: the expandables, have you seen it? Sent: no what's it about? Received: a bunch of people killing eachother. Sent: oooh I thought it was a kids movie received: ....you were probably thinking of the incredibles hahaha
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(520)
(520):
Dude, he cummed on my foot... Who the hell does that?!?! xD
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5
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(520)
(520):
We just fucked in his little brothers room, after we finished he put the used condom on his brothers celing fan. HAH!
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10
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(520)
(520):
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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102
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4
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(520)
(520):
you went outside said the dog is eating your throw up ,laughed and passed out on the dogs bed
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10
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4
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(520)
(520):
(R) clean the house college girls about to be there (S) alreadyy clean dad ha
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40
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1
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(520)
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