Texts from 509

(509): Dude... she let me shit in her mouth.

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(509): Got so drunk last night that I puked my guts out and ruined my bed, my tv remote, drunk dialed 3 exes and stole a pint of H

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(509): Did you watch the football game? Connor Halliday threw for 494 yards with 4 touch downs. You missed storming the field, what a crazy night!

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(509): I was so fucked up I don't know if I imagined losing my pants or actually did. All I know is my legs were fucking cold well we were outside.

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(509): Too fucked up. It's practically still dark outside and I'm so hungover I need sunglasses to text.-Reply: That's not fucked up. Your a champ.

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(509): I am at shell station inside drinking beer with the Indian dude

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(509): This amazon chick poked me in the eye. With her boob. To apologize she offered to let me motorboat her. Apology accepted.

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(509): So, Jose csnseco and his twin brother walk into a bar in yuma, AZ SHIT I wish this was a joke but I just bought em shotz

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(509): I'm so high that I forgot what I was watching halfway through the first commershh... (868): your ridiculous. (509): IT'S TEEN MOM! HOW COULD I POSSIBLY FORGET THE IRRESPOSIBLE TEENAGERS! (868): why r u yelling? (509): oop, caps lock. I'm to higg for this. Ni%gghht

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(509): My Mom Called... She said she found my "sex tape" with the rest of her videos... Ooops

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(509): I'm about to go to the ghetto and start asking random black people for weed. 50/50 chance I'll either get killed or find some grass. Risk I'm willing to take.

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(509): We fuck like animals. I woke up with a black eye and he was sleeping on the floor in the fetal position. Yay for daddy issues!

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(509): Reseived; Want me to use my powers to cast a magic spell that will make you feel better? Sent; babe are u high? Resived; yes got new maryjane! Wanna come over?

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(509): Hahaha. I sowwy for suggesting whores were hiding in your house. :-( (509) Its ok..just kinda scared me...i thought you had some 6th sense of some kind.

Great Night (14) Bad Night (1) Comment (0) More texts from (509)

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Remember The Pics From Last Night?

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Best Friends :)

Awesomeness!

(443): he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

(585): Where did you go? (443) I'm stuck in the bathroom stall. (585) WHAT??? (443) This extremely drunk couple have proceeded to have sex standing up against the stall I'm in, blocking my only exit. I will just have to sit, wait, and listen until both parties are finished.

(231): i just took my boyfriends virginity........on my birthday.....win?

(503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

(901): i want you inside me tonight! ;)) (1-901) wrong number mom....

(509): Dude... she let me shit in her mouth.

(509): Got so drunk last night that I puked my guts out and ruined my bed, my tv remote, drunk dialed 3 exes and stole a pint of H

(509): Did you watch the football game? Connor Halliday threw for 494 yards with 4 touch downs. You missed storming the field, what a crazy night!

(509): I was so fucked up I don't know if I imagined losing my pants or actually did. All I know is my legs were fucking cold well we were outside.

(509): Too fucked up. It's practically still dark outside and I'm so hungover I need sunglasses to text.-Reply: That's not fucked up. Your a champ.

(509): I am at shell station inside drinking beer with the Indian dude

(509): This amazon chick poked me in the eye. With her boob. To apologize she offered to let me motorboat her. Apology accepted.

(509): So, Jose csnseco and his twin brother walk into a bar in yuma, AZ SHIT I wish this was a joke but I just bought em shotz

(509): I'm so high that I forgot what I was watching halfway through the first commershh... (868): your ridiculous. (509): IT'S TEEN MOM! HOW COULD I POSSIBLY FORGET THE IRRESPOSIBLE TEENAGERS! (868): why r u yelling? (509): oop, caps lock. I'm to higg for this. Ni%gghht

(509): My Mom Called... She said she found my "sex tape" with the rest of her videos... Ooops

(509): I'm about to go to the ghetto and start asking random black people for weed. 50/50 chance I'll either get killed or find some grass. Risk I'm willing to take.

(509): We fuck like animals. I woke up with a black eye and he was sleeping on the floor in the fetal position. Yay for daddy issues!

(509): Reseived; Want me to use my powers to cast a magic spell that will make you feel better? Sent; babe are u high? Resived; yes got new maryjane! Wanna come over?

(509): Hahaha. I sowwy for suggesting whores were hiding in your house. :-( (509) Its ok..just kinda scared me...i thought you had some 6th sense of some kind.

Remember The Pics From Last Night?