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(646):
Before we light the next one and watch shark weed let's all say grace
(530):
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
(636):
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
(805):
Haha woke up had sex drove him home watched football played flip cup won. Played beer pong carried him. Win. Jello shots. Mexican food. Pink margaritas. Came home had sex. Drove him home. IDE say it's a sex n alcoholic relationship
(416):
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
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(480):
I just woke up on some strangers couch with a picture of the Virgin Mary giving me the dirtiest look ever. I assume it's a Hispanic's home. What the fuck happened last night?
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20
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2
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(0)
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(480)
(480):
i felt like a storm trooper was getting laid in honor of my good weed
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6
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1
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(0)
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(480)
(480):
(480) I'm going sledding! (480) it's 3:30 in the morning. Go to bed.
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15
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1
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(0)
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(480)
(480):
It's tea timeeee bitch!
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5
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3
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(0)
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(480)
(480):
(480)My sexual frustration is at an all time high I believe... Today in class I had a sexual fantasy about my professor while she taught about suicide. Not good! (920)Fantastic! Now go to her office and mount her like a lion.
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16
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0
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(480)
(480):
I woke up and i was giving this guy head... so after all these years i apparenly learned how to be a slut in my sleep.
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10
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8
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(0)
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(480)
(480):
I tried to change my password to “my dick” it said it was too long.
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122
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20
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(480)
(480):
This bread tastes like shoes. But I will still wish you a merry titmas anyway. Merry titmas!
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6
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1
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(480)
(480):
I seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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56
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24
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(1)
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(480)
(480):
how do you beat level 4 of angry birds?
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10
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2
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(1)
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(480)
(480):
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
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140
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6
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(0)
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(480)
(480):
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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23
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(480)
(480):
banged this hot chick she left. 15 minutes later banged my girlfriends what great timing. 2 for 1
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1
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4
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(480)
(480):
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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123
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11
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