(414): turns out he NEEDS magnums. i tried putting a regular sized one on him...didn't work out. it was like trying to put a sock over a watermelon

Great Night (231) Bad Night (8) Comment (5) More texts from (414)

(414): Do you know how to take off a corset? (1-414) No...Why? (414) I'm taking that hot fairy we met at the renaissance fair home. She's still in full costume and i don't want to go in blind. (1-414) If she's in full costume my question would be "do you know how to take off a chastity belt" good luck with that though

Great Night (21) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.

Great Night (86) Bad Night (6) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): Dude you took an UGLY bitch home with you last night. (715) how ugly are we talking (414) I'm still trying to get that taste out of my eyes

Great Night (6) Bad Night (23) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

Great Night (17) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): heard you and kirsten broke up. hope you don't mind but I'm going to hit that.(1-414) If that's the case. you should know that enough of my DNA has been inside her that she could almost be related to me. Hope you don't mind

Great Night (34) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): Last night i met this hot blonde from the bar, she asked if i wanted to come home with her for a bit last night, she said her sister was home and hot to, so i went to her place and as soon as we got their she plugged down my pants and starting giving me a blow job and then out of no where she stops and says let me get my sister, she leaves and then her twin which i didnt know it was a twin then walks in and goes " ooo he is sexy" and then starts blowing me! and then we fuck, all night long and then her sister comes back and we have a three sum! and when i woke up in the morning they were laying on both sides of me and then it dawned on me THERE TWINS and i never noticed!

Great Night (20) Bad Night (3) Comment (6) More texts from (414)

(414): she showed up at my place out of nowhere and we fucked. (715) I'm not seeing the problem. (414) HOW DID SHE FIND OUT WHERE I LIVE?!

Great Night (18) Bad Night (1) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex

Great Night (20) Bad Night (107) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): the only thing i remember is having a tube pulled out of my mouth and a doctor saying "i can believe he's still alive

Great Night (20) Bad Night (6) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): How can you be going out with him. he's such a douche (715) i thought so too at first. then i found out he's really good in bed

Great Night (12) Bad Night (8) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): sent- dude what happened last night? rev- i dont know. sent- i found a empty thing of A1 Steak sauce and 5 used condoms. rev- Dude, i smell like steak sauce and my ass hurts

Great Night (3) Bad Night (17) Comment (1) More texts from (414)

(414): that isn't the first wedding where I did keg stands and beer bongs and it wont be the last

Great Night (23) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

(414): the concept of sit down restaurants escapes me.

Great Night (12) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (414)

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