Texts from 413

(413): I didnt think that I was that drunk last night but my friends kept telling me I was just standing in the corner and every time someone approached me I claimed my invisibility cloak wasn't working

Great Night (4) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

(413): Things to do: Road dome and a blowjob in the rain ;) heheh I Fucking adore you

Great Night (9) Bad Night (3) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

(413): He told me to say the magic words so i took my pants off and turned around...his jaw dropped when he saw i had "pretty please" tattooed on the back of my upper thighs

Great Night (24) Bad Night (2) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

(413): I'm more interested in being high, comfy and laying on this couch than anything in this world. Except food. I'm always interested in food.

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(413): Mom.. Don't tell Grandma, but I'm high as fuck and need her brownies. Tell her it's really important and I need a whole pan within half an hour if she loves me.

Great Night (19) Bad Night (0) Comment (1) More texts from (413)

(413): well he called me at 615 in the morning to have sex... its only karma that id start my period midway.

Great Night (16) Bad Night (11) Comment (1) More texts from (413)

(413): i remember finding a bottle of malibu and finishing what was left and say 'this shit's awesome" then pass out cold

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(413): Rec: How was your night? Sent: I got hammered off 2 four lokos, cried about my munchies mix, trashed a car and told my best friend she was a whore Rec: Usual tuesday night

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(413): Ok how the f*ck are Stliffer from American Pie and Christopher Walken on ABC family channel? How is that even possible?

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(413): alright its official. my cooter is on quarantine. i cannot handle any more of this.

Great Night (3) Bad Night (5) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

(413): my vag is like a third world country... deprived and lonely.

Great Night (2) Bad Night (10) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

(413): dude his dick is like a tank..it'll take down anything in its path!! im not letting it anywhere near me

Great Night (14) Bad Night (2) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

(413): But you don't even fucking need lube when it comes to me!

Great Night (14) Bad Night (4) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

(413): He was so drunk that we told him we locked our keys in the car and pointed out a random car and he broke the window! Yea...we should def bail him out of jail.

Great Night (12) Bad Night (8) Comment (0) More texts from (413)

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Best Friends :)

Awesomeness!

(425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

(949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

(651): Well. just want to be supportive. wish i could be there to pick at you or give you a blow job while you have your whiskey.

(423): why does it feel and smell like i was gang banged by a marachi band? (SENT) well you did leave the bar wiith those three mexican guys (REC) uh..im am going to get plan b, just to make sure their sour cream didnt ruin my taco

(678): This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.

(413): I didnt think that I was that drunk last night but my friends kept telling me I was just standing in the corner and every time someone approached me I claimed my invisibility cloak wasn't working

(413): Things to do: Road dome and a blowjob in the rain ;) heheh I Fucking adore you

(413): He told me to say the magic words so i took my pants off and turned around...his jaw dropped when he saw i had "pretty please" tattooed on the back of my upper thighs

(413): I'm more interested in being high, comfy and laying on this couch than anything in this world. Except food. I'm always interested in food.

(413): Mom.. Don't tell Grandma, but I'm high as fuck and need her brownies. Tell her it's really important and I need a whole pan within half an hour if she loves me.

(413): well he called me at 615 in the morning to have sex... its only karma that id start my period midway.

(413): i remember finding a bottle of malibu and finishing what was left and say 'this shit's awesome" then pass out cold

(413): Rec: How was your night? Sent: I got hammered off 2 four lokos, cried about my munchies mix, trashed a car and told my best friend she was a whore Rec: Usual tuesday night

(413): Ok how the f*ck are Stliffer from American Pie and Christopher Walken on ABC family channel? How is that even possible?

(413): alright its official. my cooter is on quarantine. i cannot handle any more of this.

(413): my vag is like a third world country... deprived and lonely.

(413): dude his dick is like a tank..it'll take down anything in its path!! im not letting it anywhere near me

(413): But you don't even fucking need lube when it comes to me!

(413): He was so drunk that we told him we locked our keys in the car and pointed out a random car and he broke the window! Yea...we should def bail him out of jail.

Remember The Pics From Last Night?