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(732):
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
(617):
I named him knee-how (1-617): Why the fuck would u nickname your Chinese nephew knee-how???
(732):
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
(203):
recieved: so you hittin that? sent: no but she's doin my dishses and laundry, vacuuming and makin me a samich.
(999):
He totally charged my phone for me while we were having sex. Win? I think yes
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(412):
Her idea of anal was to fuck me with a black strapon. Does it make me gay if i enjoyed it?
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4
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1
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(0)
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(412)
(412):
hey can I borrow ur vagina?
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16
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0
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(0)
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(412)
(412):
I'm singing oops I did it again to myself while making pizza rolls
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5
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(412)
(412):
I should have taken my come, put it on my thumb, rubbed it on her forehead and whispered 'simba' #rifiki
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14
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(0)
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(412)
(412):
So it's not gay if I was dressed as a girl right?
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20
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7
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(412)
(412):
Do you still have that dank? (724): Yeah, why? (412): Because I have left over tacos and some tequila. WE'RE GOING TO CANCUN, BABY!
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6
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(412)
(412):
"YOU BOYS LIKE MEXICO?" YEEEEEEEWHOOOOOOOOO
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9
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(412)
(412):
So I tested positive for HIV, in an attempt to lighten the mood i told her by saying, "Hey babe does your vagina hurt? Cause its killin me!"
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2
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(412)
(412):
sqewvy roads. (recvd): the roads are swerving thats your drunk eyes.
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3
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2
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(412)
(412):
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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316
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6
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(412)
(412):
If you spill your beer, dont clean it up.. Put your hand in it or step on it barefoot so it still gets in your pours
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9
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6
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(412)
(412):
Yep! Walkin 2 da closest bar. Then i gotta walk back wit brown wooden bags back 2 da crib... Da jeezy horns are playin
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3
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4
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(1)
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(412)
(412):
How long do u boil ur crab legs for? *716 My crabs don't have legs i got this shampoo
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1
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17
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(412)
(412):
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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68
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