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(832):
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
(814):
So we were makin out, and he wanted to eat me out. I was like okay... And then he goes 'bring me that tasty pussy!' I looked at him, said 'this is not delivery' and left. Epic.
(407):
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation? ?
(+44):
(sent) WARNING! do NOT drink the milk! i repeat! DO NOT drink the milk! there may be some of my milk in there (rec'v) its hardly a warning if you text me that at 1pm after i've had my morning coffee and cerial. douchebag!
(412):
Arguing the flavor of jager. He says black licorice. I say mind bleach and regret.
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(407):
so i put the pipe between my tits while promising nothing would happen. . .with in two seconds managed to stumble into the couch stumb my toe and trip but the pipe was safe ...till the dog came out and i bent over to pet it...well that my friend was the end of that pipe...epic fail..damn dogs
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(407)
(407):
haha i'm not violent to my friends I swear me punching you on cinco was pure tequila
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(407)
(407):
Twisted tea is rhe shit mayne:) (386): Haha i know (407): Annnnnnd 59 jello shots! (386): never had them (407): I did that's why there's not 60!
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(407)
(407):
I Tysoned her vagina
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(407)
(407):
(rec 1:37:22am:) found his face book (sent 1:3758:) oh good but yea thats the guy Im with (rec 1:38:10:) awww lol so this is your new maaaaaaaan (rec 1:38:19) omg is that his baby (sent 1:38: 32) what?
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(407)
(407):
keep my company i'm waiting for his girlfriend to leave so i can fuck him again...
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(407)
(407):
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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(407)
(407):
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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(407)
(407):
I did it all for the nookie
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(407)
(407):
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
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(407)
(407):
Recieved....Dude let's finish up the beer and I'll buy everyone steak and shake. Sent.... I love you
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(407)
(407):
Dude remember Danielle the girl I dated but she was cheating on me the whole time?... She's fucking pregnant and there are 5 different people who could be the dad. It's like an episode of Maury. Best day ever!!!
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(407)
(407):
Getting my dad pissy drunk before hapPy hour is over is excellent use of my time.... It's his birthday anyways mom oh n he peed himself.. Can u pick him up?
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(407)
(407):
Text message goes here...Fucked up with mdt!!!!!!
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