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(242):
As we were fucking he started singing Baby by Justin Beiber. And when he was almost done he said "BABY BABY BABY" and when he came in me he did the "Oooh!" part.
(757):
I am as high as a giraffes pussy
(401):
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
(615):
I told him it wasn't so much that I was tired of him, but more like he had lost that "new car smell".
(712):
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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(406):
Sent to my roommate: Passed out on bqck porch locked out of house
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(0)
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(406)
(406):
sent: I am more wasted than I have evr been wasted in my life. rec'd: haha wow, your crazy. don't do anything I wouldn't do! sent: THAT leaves a lots of wiggle room!
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(406)
(406):
(Sent) There has been more nudity here tonight... (Rec'd) I shoulda fucking gone. (Sent) It's disgusting. (Rec'd) You're a chick. I'm a guy. I like boobies.
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(406)
(406):
On a bus. Listening to Nickleback. Dragons and flames on the curtains. So high.
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(406)
(406):
You know its only going to be weird because I flashed his best friends girlfriend's dad.
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9
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(0)
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(406)
(406):
Sent: I love you... Recieved: I Love You Too. Sent: I think we need another shot. Recieved: I agree. Hand me that bottle.
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(1)
More texts from
(406)
(406):
Sent: You think we'll ever date again? Recieved: Maybe, u never kno but I have a gf now so i can't tell ya. Sent: I AM PRETTIER AND YOU WILL DATE ME!!!!
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(406)
(406):
(rec'd:) YOU never drink again. EVER. (sent:) y? (rec'd:) we were gone for literally 5 seconds. Next thing we know you're running around laughing like a psycho and you've taken off all your clothes. (sent) ALL of them? (rec'd) ALL OF THEM.
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(1)
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(406)
(406):
Look, man, we be chillin'. And we be not drunk enough for this shit (What shit?) Existence.
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11
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(1)
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(406)
(406):
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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(406)
(406):
here's something I wish I didn't have to google "discolored semen"
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3
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(0)
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(406)
(406):
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
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108
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6
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(1)
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(406)
(406):
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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97
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(1)
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(406)
(406):
A lap dance is so much better when a stripper is crying....but I like sausage
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2
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11
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(0)
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(406)
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