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(781):
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
(586):
my drunk aunt told me i was too pretty to be a virgin and then walked into a wall
(440):
I'm a professional body piercer. A girl complained that I stared at her boobs while I was piercing her nipple.
(303):
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
(630):
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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(339):
Were those people carrying pigs?
Great Night
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12
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Bad Night
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1
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(0)
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(339)
(339):
you were coming out from under the bed saying "pull & pray method, im pulling out & praying i dont make babies."
Great Night
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13
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Bad Night
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2
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(0)
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(339)
(339):
Sometimes i just wanna slap myself for getting drunk and being a slut...
Great Night
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75
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Bad Night
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23
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(5)
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(339)
(339):
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Great Night
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77
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Bad Night
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7
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(0)
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(339)
(339):
Best day ever, took three pregnancy tests and guess what....all negative. Then to celebrate I topped the day off with smoking a bowl =] Hits for Jesus lol this puffs for you =P
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11
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1
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(0)
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(339)
(339):
i just peed on vodka.. im soo wasteful!
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7
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15
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(1)
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(339)
(339):
I always get really horny on my period and im horny now and it sucks cause its not like a tampon does anything :(
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3
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30
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(1)
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(339)
(339):
Omg coffe is like cum every time you have either of them you need a cigarette... so can you come bring me one?
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11
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1
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(1)
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(339)
(339):
It's weird drinking captains and having an easter egg hunt at the same time.
Great Night
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14
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0
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(0)
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(339)
(339):
my underwear is inside out... wtf did i do last night?!
Great Night
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26
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5
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(0)
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(339)
(339):
He tried to fuck me in the laundry room of his school i wasnt down for that so i just ended up giving him head there instead =0
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19
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3
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(2)
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(339)
(339):
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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486
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27
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(16)
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(339)
(339):
I've realized that fog is not good for high drivers
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2
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5
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(0)
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(339)
(339):
You were so high last night, you put chef boyardee in the microwave, walked away for 20 minutes, then came back and realized that you forgot to press the "Start" button on the microwave.
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8
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1
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(0)
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