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(334):
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
(402):
dude, like half way through sex she started screaming Skittles... oh yah babe- taste this fucking rainbow (;
(585):
im drunk and peeing on the beach in sand and grass...but im wearting a dress so its really classy at the same time
(814):
you told me you were the internet gremlin and unplugged all of the cat5 cables from their router by like a mm. you sir, are hilarious.
(408):
i know! i was just looking at the weather online and there's a freakin cactus next to the sun! wtf is that supposed to mean?!!! - MDT
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(254):
Text message goes here...
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(254):
(254): Don't come home yet, mum and dad are fucking (254): Umm ... Gotta hate autocorrect right? (254): No, I'm serious, I just walked in on them and i think i wanna die (254) WHAT THE HELL?!!! (254) I said don't come home yet...
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(254)
(254):
Would it be weird of I asked him if he was circumcised? (1-254): No... I just asked my boyfriend if I could give him head after we just had a horrible emotional discussion
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(254)
(254):
Dude. Think about it. People talk about prostitution like it's so bad. But us bitches are giving it away for free. Who are the real whores? (254): You know what I mean? (254): Hello?
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(254)
(254):
I don't give a flying FUCK that everyone else wants to go to the bar. It's my birthday, I'm stoned, and I want to fucking watch bambi!
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(254):
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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(254):
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
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(254):
Omg! The lady at McD just asked what a McGang was...She was like if you tell me what it is I'll make it for you... Success!
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(254)
(254):
Watch the yes man an drink everytime they say yes idk how I'm txting
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(254):
At the rec. Working out on the slut machines without panties in hopes of some guy seeing my vag and realizing it's lonely. (1-972): How's that working out for you? (254): I caught some glances but nothing yet!
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(254)
(254):
Yeah. it's the end of the semester. We sold all our text books. We have party money!
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(254)
(254):
I woke up pissed at whoever stole my cigarettes, then I remembered there's still a burrito behind the tv.
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(254):
wanna know why i love college? (903): why? (254): spend our money on things like whiskey, beer, vodka, and rum, yet we only have money for ramen and dollar menus. (903): that's completely acceptable.
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(254):
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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