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(920):
fucked in half drunk she looked hot and she was sitting on my lap lickin my ear so i reached under the dress to go for the gold and but all i got was a hand full of balls. FML
(512):
You drunkenly gave compliments to the chef at whataburger and the mexican in the back cooking was so happy he came out and gave us all free food
(805):
Do you think transformers take it up the exhaust pipe? (1-805): Dude when yur drunk you need to stop thinking of crazy shit like that or I'm going to send the psych ward to your house to pick you up (805): It's a yes or no answer
(401):
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
(513):
Man she had on so much fake tanner it looks like I ate a bucket of cheetos
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(216):
Had sex outside yday. Halfway thru I realized he was staring at the cars driving by and making eye contact with the drivers haha
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(216)
(216):
Sorry your sisters a whore... You ok?
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4
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(216)
(216):
Me: Would you like to fuck a dog in the ass? Stranger: No! Me: No? Stranger: ...idk
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(216)
(216):
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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49
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(216)
(216):
His mom walked in midhump and yelled oh my god! As she closed the door he had the courtesy to yell merry christmas mom! And kept fuckin
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(216)
(216):
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
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(216)
(216):
Is it strange that I know my mother is a freak in the bed?
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15
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(216)
(216):
(Recieved) Yessirr. Your a black man. A sweaty black man with a cornucopia of STD's and a hairy ass. (Response) I told you never to talk about that..
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(216)
(216):
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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18
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55
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(216)
(216):
Woke up in the arms of a pantless leo in as room I've never seen before with an empty bottle of vasoline and puke all over the ground. Successful night.
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113
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5
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(216)
(216):
I was in the alley getting a blowjob by this girl, all of a sudden a heavenly light shown down upon me as I came. Turns out it was a police chopper... That dosen't take away how spiritual the moment was!
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(216)
(216):
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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125
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4
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(216)
(216):
Mary skipped class again today so she is blow drying her forehead so the nurse will think she has a fever
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11
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(216)
(216):
R: He gives good oral but won't finger me at the same time - what should I do? S: WTF! Be thankful he even goes down on you...my boy won't eat me out EVER!!
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