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(587):
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
(519):
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
(716):
Why do people feel the need to have themes at parties??? Why cant gettin wasted just be the theme anymore?(1-716) So you didnt like the be a disney character thing last night? (716) NO that was fun as fuck. and tinkerbell sucked my dick!
(203):
i went to his house because i was bored. he ended up making me food and giving me shots so i felt like i should have sex to repay him. i told him i forgot to take birth control so he offered to just buy plan b in the morning. future boyfriend material?
(708):
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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