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(215):
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
(817):
I just pooped with my snuggie on, It's been a good day.
(720):
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
(678):
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
(714):
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
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(304):
I'll show you classy! I'll drink my naddy light from a tea cup!
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(304)
(304):
dude she walked out of my bathroom naked, and i swear sweet baby jesus himself couldnt have looked any better.
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31
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(304)
(304):
I'm watchin my 5 younger cousins at a cobra starship and 3oh3! concert. I'm half way through a fifth of captain by myself at the bar..
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(304)
(304):
So my little sister came up to visit, we went to a party last night and i woke up with her in bed next to me, both of us are naked...i think something very wrong happened...
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(304)
(304):
i'm listening to orchestra music as I puke...not quite sure what direction my life is going in
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(304)
(301):
(rec'd) it took me 2 hrs to pee for my drug test! 2 hrs and 20 cups of water (sent) OMFG! ridiculous (rec'd) now i can't stop peeing :(
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(301)
(304):
(recv'd) Oh so its not cheating if you get drunk and make out with another girl but if I get drunk go down on some hot guy and let him take a pic of cum all over my face it is cheating?
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(304)
(304):
Last night was the first night I tried a beer pong. I wouldn't stop bonging with everyone til I puked my guts out. Great night.
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(304)
(304):
Sent: Is it cheating if we didn't actually have sex? Rec'd: What did you do? Sent: Made out. He fingered my pussy and ass while I gave him head... Rec'd: ... Do I really have to answer that? Sent: My bad.
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(304)
(304):
My roommate is such a slut, she has 3 guys that she fucks regularly...and she moans so much I can't study
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(304)
(601):
oh its already been decided. if i have to stick your dick in my mouth to pleasure you, you have to kiss me to make me happy
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(601)
(304):
Grant Street tonight!!! I'm in a low cut shirt and mini skirt...lets get wild!
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25
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3
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(1)
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(304)
(304):
Lets make tuesday the new friday! time to hit the town
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9
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(304)
(304):
blue waffles are not as good as they sound....
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5
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24
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