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(541):
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
(801):
Dude, I just got drug tested for a job at a smoke shop. I failed. I got the job!
(303):
dude, i'm in the other room watching porn with headphones on while my parents are teaching my little sisters religion class. sin or win?
(224):
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
(513):
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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(804):
OMG!!! MY ROOMMATE MIGHT BE GAY, I HEARD HIM FUCKING AND THE WAS SIUNDING SO MANLY LOL BUT NEXT THING I KNOW HES SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE BITHC THT HE IS
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(804):
we fucked and then made out while I pissed in the toliet and she peed in the shower
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(604):
My glue stick smells like wiener Jen confirmed it
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(540):
I just found a half eaten burrito, a used condom, a broken vibrator, a bag of skittles (open) and 500 dollars...What happened last night?
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(804):
im so high who wanna fuck me
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(306):
sent: man peoples obsesions of midgets is getting out of control rec: i so started that trend sent: no u didnt TLC did...
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(434):
(rec'd): It's bad enough that I ran into my MOTHER at the club last night, but the fact that she requested the Electric Slide SIX TIMES completely ruined my street cred! (sent): What street cred!? (rec'd) GODDAMNIT!
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