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(518):
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
(210):
Sneak out (1-210): The person u have reached is currently asleep right now. Try again at a more reasonable time.
(310):
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
(270):
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
(678):
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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(666):
I need a kiss! (rcvd) :-* (rcvd) that doesnt help :( (rcvd) :-*(). that better?
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8
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2
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(340):
did your mom actually fuck me or was that my imagination?
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28
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0
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(262):
Dude I just woke up at my friends apt covered in puke and my left foot covered in blood. I dont remember anything past midnight.
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14
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(262)
(501):
Woke up this mourning looked at the phone and someone took a bunch of pics of dicks and sent them to every person in my phone
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4
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10
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(501)
(608):
sent to self- note to self frzn vegetables do NOT i repeat NOT taste good frozen never
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6
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(608)
(608):
I GOT SO DRUNK LASTNIGHT, I PISSED ON ALL MY ROOMMATES (4) AND THEY ALL HAD TO BE UP THIS MORNING FOR A TEST. WHAT A FRIEND I AM
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2
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(1)
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(608)
(608):
wow... somehow i ended up with 40 dollars in my walllet?
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41
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(608)
(203):
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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695
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(203)
(876):
(rec)k well you gotta give me a few bucks for condoms lol there not cheap.(sent) wow you're the one with the job, but fine just because i want to...
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17
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2
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(876)
(920):
I just lost my virginity to the biggest manwhore EVER! and the sad thing is..that i knew he would use me! damnitt!! Oh and i lost my best friend for it
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6
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(608):
I dont need a condom my rash is a contraceptive
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(421):
the old man just got me bare assed and lubed up beatin the cyclops. great way to start the day. all i needed was a little relief....Fuck!
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(920):
I's real drunk. your ten bucks will be in your possession as soon as i find an ATM that is to my liking. (r) fuck off with your ten dollars at 5:30 in the morning. i'm not that broke.
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(608):
So this morning when i woke up i realized i forgot to take my shoes off and everyone wrote on me. i have an alergic reaction to permanent market. i cant stop itching
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2
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