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(250):
I just woke up with a straw in my vag
(215):
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
(618):
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
(732):
I went on a blind date. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick."
(740):
my mother just informed me, against my will, that she swallows.
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(301):
: i got a random boner and decided to tuck it in my waste band, my little brother walked in 2 min later as i was reaching to turn off the t.v.. i was wearing a really small tshirt he ran into the other room crying and freaking out not understanding what he had seen, did i mention i was at my grandparents
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(347):
(334): What's there? (347): Beer. Lime. Emily.
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(919):
i was fucking my boyfriend and my neighbor knocked on my door and screamed SHUT THE FUCK UP :)
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