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(919):
I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep.
(269):
Apparently I'm so repulsive I can't even get my dog to spoon with me.
(803):
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
(903):
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
(504):
Smoke drink pong drink smoke hook up smoke drink smoke taco bell pass out. In that order
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(402):
she told me if I beat her one more time in mario kart we weren't having sex tonight. (402-1) So.... (402) I hit her ass with a red shell in the last turn. Victory has never tasted so bittersweet
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(402):
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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(402):
woke up under bed naked, but didn't drive home. how did i get home, and why am i naked under the bed?
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(402):
S:So last night i smoked 9 blunts in an hour for my birthday. I guess i walked through the Mickey B's drive through and orded a large strawberry, R:So?? Why is that so bad? S:Im allergic to strawberrys. Guess who was rushed to the hospital?
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(333):
So I got drunk last night, went to bed with tyler and kolten. Woke up with a neck COMPLETLEY covered in hickes, I can't move my neck.
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(402):
Rec: Hey... can you come get me? Snt: Yah, where are you? Rec: I dont know, but it's dark and people are fucking laughing at me. and im triipin as fuck.
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(402):
you know justin biebers only gonna be famous til his balls drop... hehe sucker
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