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(801):
that's why you jack off (435): but its not the same with blue balls, its like you think your getting a lobster dinner, instead someone hands you a pop tart
(773):
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family. (1-773): didn't stop? (773): naw, they were rude, not me.
(302):
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
(917):
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
(817):
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
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(734):
*squeeze* (734): hands off perv!
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(734):
In the middle of sex last night, she stopped and called her friends. In the middle of my 7 chick f*ck, they started turning into sandwiches. I woke up with my mouth eating p*ssy and my d*ck halfway in an *ss. Im still not sure why i f*cked the sandwich...
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(734)
(815):
Haha im so drunk im sacred youll sell me
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(815)
(815):
I cant im at a dinosaur conference
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(815)
(734):
why did he want to fight me? (313): you were shushing him, and i'm pretty sure you were shushing his girlfriend as well.
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(734)
(734):
I mean the 5 snack bars sounded good until I started eating one, and then, the 5 did not sound good anymore. (734): haha that stuff tricks you into making you hungry
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(734)
(248):
Uh oh. Are you intimidated by my vibrator?
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(917):
A DPS officer just walked through the library... Is he aware that its Sunday? It would make more sense to do his rounds tomorrow, after we've a day to recuperate from yesterday's marathon. Btw, vodka or tequila tomorrow?
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