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(614):
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
(310):
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
(618):
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
(519):
My underwear may or may not be stuck somewhere in your couch. But i figure we couldn't find it, so i don't think your mom will either.
(814):
Guess who can't be sacrificed to the gods anymore?!?!
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(173):
Did you ever just stop, and take a second to think... man im fucked up!
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16
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3
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(0)
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(173)
(603):
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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77
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212
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(7)
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(603)
(240):
You know those bitches from the apartment below us? (410) Yea? Are they the ones that wrote 'fucking faggot' on your door? (240) We made up over some jager last night but then I blew her boyfriend
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35
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4
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(0)
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(240)
(410):
Once 9 p.m. comes on a Friday night, I just turn into every drunken girl stereotype.
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28
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0
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(1)
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(410)
1
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