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(303):
Dude i just woke up, cant find my pants, my fingers smell like vag and coconut, and i have a party hat on my johnson.... Win?
(215):
just woke up in the back of my car in the lowes parking lot next to a half naked chick and a serious case of morning wood (1-215): morning wood in the lowes parking lot? how ironic
(601):
i just saw 2 for 1 lap dances at a strip club (662): the economy has officially hit everyone.
(503):
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
(443):
Is it weird that I used my Mothers dildo? (443) Considering you texted your Mother that, Yes. By the way, Your Dad and I used it last night.
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(604):
Wife is out and I am drunk and laid....Ooops, I guess she did not hide the cookie jar well enough...
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10
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(0)
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(604)
(513):
Sam is as nice to me as your mouth is to my vagina. Its a real dilemma
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23
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2
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(0)
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(513)
(760):
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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31
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Bad Night
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192
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(4)
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(760)
(614):
Just had my first bar hook up. Definately not as fun as expected. But what is good is that I work with his mother and she is coming to pick him up as we text. Haha.
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(614)
(330):
Rec-in my next life i wanna be an elephant. Sent-fuck that...i wanna be a giraffe. Rec-we can hump and make beautiful giraffe elephant babies!
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(330)
(614):
I'd just like to put those knockers in my mouth and feed like a starving baby
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22
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(0)
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(614)
(614):
Sent:I love when you suck my dick (reply) I'm glad. I like pleasing you.
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(614)
(440):
"seriously, i thought i went to bed so pissed off cause i saw the guy that i wanted to fuck across the room getting head from my best friend. but somehow i woke up to him. and in my hand... i was still holding that bottle of jack"
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(0)
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(440)
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