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BFF
(704):
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
(323):
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
(713):
The doctor told me i had a twisted nut and if it remained that way any longer.... it would die. I pled for her to untwist it. The weird thing was, the doctor was my mom
(650):
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
(sally):
Last night, someone took my phone at the bar and text'd my mom "Hey mom, happy cinco de mayo. PS I'm pregnant." MDT
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(914):
he passed out on my couch with a bottle of wine in his hand and singing to himselff
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3
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(0)
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(914)
(323):
sent to my bff.."Have you ever taken a dump for so long that your legs started to get numb?"
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8
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(323)
(352):
my friends text: "imagine me and you just lying in my bed, half naked, making out in my bed :P would that be awesome? haha :P i'm pretty drunk right now, well talk tomorrow baby ;) reply: "yea..that would be something..."
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(352)
(900):
so we were getting ready to have sex and alla sudden he takes off my bra, sucks my tits andstares at em. then he randomly picks me up positions me on his dick and i came after 5 minutes of bouncing on his dick. RANDOM BUT BEST EVER!
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33
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2
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(4)
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(900)
(384):
omg I has sex with this crazy fool, and his homeboy is my boys homie
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4
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10
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(0)
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(384)
(422):
kryshaun jack remember last night that bb i threw last night, well i just realized it was my belly ring
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4
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(422)
(622):
while sucking my boyfriends dick we were having a full out conversation using sign language, kinky shit right there.
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30
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5
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(622)
(562):
he was fucking me from the back when he accidentally slipped out and when he tried to put it back in he accidentally got the wrong hole and lets just say " i wasn't about to clean him up afterward" hahaha
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(562)
1
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